Roast my LinkedIn profile. Then hand me the fixes.

A LinkedIn profile roast with a real score underneath

Most roast tools are a random insult and a made-up number. This one is a joke on the surface and an audit underneath. Your score out of 100 comes from the same 11 checks as our LinkedIn profile analyzer: headline, About, latest role, skills, photo, banner, Featured, custom URL, location and workplace, and buzzwords. The roast is just the delivery. Every joke points at a check, and every check comes with a fix.

The five tiers

• Recruiter Magnet, 85 to 100. Hard to roast. We tried.

• Solid, Slightly Beige, 65 to 84. Good bones, one bold move away.

• Buzzword Bingo, 40 to 64. Plenty of words, few of them yours.

• Default Settings, 20 to 39. LinkedIn set this profile up. You signed off on it.

• Witness Protection, under 20. A profile so quiet it might be hiding from someone.

What gets roasted, and the fix under each joke

• The job-title headline. “Marketing Manager at Acme” is accurate and tells a visitor nothing. Fix: keep the title, add who you help and one proof point.

• The passionate About. Opening with “passionate, results-driven professional” is a personality quiz nobody asked for. Fix: start with “I help [who] [get what]”.

• The duty list. “Responsible for stakeholder alignment” describes the job ad. Fix: one line per result, ideally with a number.

• The Wi-Fi password URL. A public URL ending in a string of random characters. Fix: set a custom URL of 3 to 100 characters.

• The default banner. Free wallpaper. Fix: one line about what you do, or a photo of your work.

Roast rules: the profile, never the person

A good roast makes you laugh and then makes you fix something. A bad one just makes you feel small, so this roast follows hard rules. It only reads what you paste and the boxes you tick. It never comments on looks, age, gender, health, career gaps or a layoff, and it never jokes about anything you could not change in five minutes. The photo check only asks whether there is a clear photo, not what you look like. Your share card shows your score, your tier and one roast line, with no name or photo unless you add a first name yourself.

After the roast, give people something to read

A fixed profile is ready for visitors. Getting visitors is the job of your posts, and a feed that sounds like a real person is what turns a profile visit into a follow. VoiceMoat is built for exactly that: audenAI, the brain inside VoiceMoat, learns from your own content and drafts LinkedIn posts in your voice, and Studio is where you shape them before they go out. Fix the headline first with the LinkedIn headline generator, and if you are on Twitter too, roast your Twitter profile next.